See you tomorrow

In about 24 hours from now, I will be boarding the plane to Singapore. And although I have done this a couple of times, I still feel nervous about going back. And when I break it down, I saw what was worrying me. When I am alone, I can do stuff on my own. I do it when I want it and how I like it to be done. But when I am back, I am no longer just me. I am part of a team, my family. So when my dad tired to take my luggage for me at the airport, I felt weird. And wrong. I am not used to it, having others doing things for me. I think that's why.

But similarly, I think my family was traumatised by my return the last time because I made some changes to our house of 20 years. Thank god they still accept me.

In any case, if everything goes well and the weather is good, I will be back home tomorrow and shall be seeing you all soon.

The impact a thought can have

So life as we know it, has always been the same. Until it is not. The day I am referring to is yesterday. The day I quit quiting. It is always like that. Only when you get into serious sh*t will you realise your true potential. And then you come out of the problem as a better person. I realised I gave up on myself too early. But she didn't give up. The lady, a stranger to me before yesterday, present me with the most generous offer. And she helped me through. Through her I saw humanity, a rare quality in busy people nowadays. Through her actions I've learnt not to give up. Cos that is what I did and I made it! It helped a lot that she was very supportive and positive, throwing away all the negativity in me bit by bit. I don't think she realise her effect on me.

Nothing is fixed until the last second. It's ok even if you don't get what you deserve for all that work. And even if you've reached the last second, sometimes you can have another chance. Don't give up my friends. You might just be surprised.

Fuo gun

Hello! Very quick and very briefly, I present you with my updates.

1) Exams are 3 weeks away, Arghhhh... DIE!
2) Date of returning to sg, 21st Dec.. yes, in december. I want to cry!
3) Currently no house to stay when/if I come back next year.
4) Weather now is as unpredictable as the mood of a PMS-ing women
5) Was just thinking of the summer flies attack from last year.. *shiver*
6) Loving life despite everything

What will you do if you were me

I haven't been here for a while and its already spring. Much to update don't know where to begin. My Melbourne trip with Xinyi last July was very enjoyable. Reminds me of our trip to Perth more than half a decade ago. We were young and adventurous then. Melbourne is a very interesting place. It is a jumbo mix of young and old, black and white, historic and modern, and everything in between. All in all, it is an eye-opener. And this holiday, I am going to Sydney! Looking forward to that:)

It is my last semester here, although it doesn't feel like it, and there are much to be decided. One decision will lead to more decisions to be made. I feel all queasy inside whenever a potential life-changing decision lies on my lap. In this way, I feel like a kid. Like I don't want to face the music whenever I've made a wrong turn in life. So I end up asking people I know to make the decision for me. I think its because I am not sure if I'm ready for the change.

Dreams are bad for mental soundness

I don't know why, but I have been dreaming a lot lately. Dreams of people I know, people I don't know and people who don't know each other behaving like they do. It's weird how dreams can appear to be so real. It seems as if in dreams our emotions are no longer protected by our conscious mind and are blatantly subjected to the harsh environment of dreamland. In dreams, we feel more than we think. It makes something which is physically impossible like flying, seem very acceptable.

I don't like to dream. It tires me emotionally especially during the first few moments I just woken up. And I spend much of my precious waking hours trying to figure out what exactly is it trying to tell me. Most importantly, it makes me emotionally unbalanced cos I'd feel cheated of one night's sleep.

Another dream inspired

I am tired. I think I am too uptight. I know I should take it easy. Recently, I dreamt of something I cannot really remember. All I could remember was the intense feeling of helplessness. It was so real I could feel bits and pieces of it throughout the day. It is eating me away. I need to relax. I need to let it go.

And so I shall.

Update

Alright guys. This post has to be done under 20 minutes. Just a quick update. For now, the study material of this semester seems difficult. Especially biochem. Lets hope it will get better as the semester progress.

Have you ever felt that there's someone behind you but when you turn around there's no one there? Or when you keep hearing someone calling your name in the crowd but when you turned, again there isn't anyone? I keep having this feeling recently. It's like a weird feeling that won't go away.

Elisa came to visit over the weekends but I couldn't meet up with her much. Sorry 'bout that girl. See you in Singapore k!

Speaking of which, its Singapore's Birthday today! Ah.. how I missed the National Day Celebration. And the goodies bag from the parade. To commemorate this day in my own special way, I have decided to wear my Sg tee and instead of the other pop songs, I would sing the national anthem with pride in the bathroom when I bathe today.